Welcome to the new blog for those of us who are recovering from the good girl syndrome (TM). We’ve given away ourselves, pleased others, at the expense of our well-being and our happiness… and now it’s time to reclaim our lives and do what feels good for us. Yeah! Join me here, SOON, as I chronicle my up-coming book, and my adventures, living the good life on my terms–and no one else’s! And, you’ll also hear from me as I have my occasional set-backs, pleasing too much, or not sticking up for myself when I need to. I’m not perfect, like we good girls believe we need to be… So, I’ll be truthful when I blow it too… Check back next month and see what’s happening!
I’ve learned to take care of myself… give myself time off, play, be with friends… but then when I have a deadline, I’m hyper-focused… Yesterday and today I put in LOTS of hours, getting the editorial outline ready for my new editor. Exciting and quite a challenge. Had to sum up each chapter of “Recovering Good Girl” in only three lines. Good practice… It’s not my strong suit to be brief! I cheated too! I added an additional 1/2″ to the body of my text, so I could squeeze in a few extra words that way. (Don’t tell Paul!) That simple exercise took a lot of thought and kept me hyper-focused in a different way… That’s one of the ways an author spends her days…
Well, I’ve been avoiding writing this blog for forever; with only two entries… BUT, good news (bad news?), I’m getting close to making it a regular part of my life. My new websites are ALMOST complete; can’t wait… Once I feel I have those in place, I’ll begin again here and write–at least weekly; maybe more… Who knows? What have you been avoiding lately that you need to do?
Well, I haven’t been the most prolific blogger in the world, though someday that may change… I’ve been completing my book, proposal, and getting my new websites finished. Someday they’ll be finished. I know now not to wait for that “someday” because all that does is put life on hold. So I live each day as happily and successfully as I can. When something gets completed, it’s time to celebrate…. In the meantime, there is something to celebrate EVERY day: the sunrise or sunset, a huge down pour (I had that yesterday; very fun!), a smile from a child, a hug from a friend. There are millions of reasons to find joy and to celebrate. What’s your excuse to celebrate today?
Okay, Julie from the movie Julia and Julie (or is it visa versa?) I’m sorry that I don’t remember your real last name… You’ve inspired thousands, if not millions, of us who have something to share to really “do it” on the web. So here I go…
I am like an alcoholic; my recovery (from having the “good girl syndrome”) is daily. The Universe conspires to send me challenges often, it seems… That means I keep needing to do more introspection (sometimes by myself, sometimes with professional help). However, I go through this introspective time on a cyclical basis.
I’ve been keeping track for 20 years… Every fall, I go inward, cleaning and clearing up old psychological debris. Some years it’s light and easy; some years it’s deep and I’m walking through sludge. I am always joyful and happy during the holidays. I love them for their time of connection to loved ones, and for the romance of them, as well…
I surface after the new year, somewhere between mid-January and end of March. My surfacing almost always arrives with a new epiphany. I know the inner-work I’ve been doing has paid off, and I’m another rung higher on the ladder to enlightenment, which, btw, I have no illusions of reaching the peak any time soon. I am a traveler on this earth and I keep intending to do good; to make a difference in as many people’s lives as I can…
The more recovered I am, the better able I am to teach those who need to learn. I know this inner path that I’m walking will only lead to good.
May your inner path lead you to only good too.
Today I woke up again to a beautiful sunny morning… but, like life, it won’t stay that way. I live in the clouds on the side of the majestic Haleakala on Maui. It’s chilly in the mornings, and like life, it won’t stay that way either. The clouds form every afternoon OR more frequently. For several months, it would trade between glorious sun and cloudy-drizzle every two to four hours. Now, in the peak of summer, there’s more sun and the clouds seem to appear in the afternoons.
Like life, the weather is variable… Good times and not so good times. Yesterday I got (another) migraine. Why? I’m convinced it was super-stress related (though they aren’t always). Too much on my plate; too little time… and mostly not enough time alone for just me–me with me, and me with God. I am finding that I need a slower pace. After all, God boomed down to me two years ago, “You’re moving to Hawaii,” in answer to the question I posed about how I could live with less stress.
But like everything else, my issues follow me wherever I go… So, my issue of doing too much and not making enough quiet time for me is still here. For these last six months, since I’ve moved here, I have had times when I was doing well at not being on the go-go-go too much. But, like in everything else, it’s a “a one step back” time…
I am resolved to live a slower life, and it will take time. Like everything else… Patience is always on my “to-do” list. What do you need to resolve to do to make your life better?
Today I begin again… I wrote this morning (God-writing–where I write questions and listen, and write, the answers that I hear from God), as I used to do daily. Then life got in the way this last month. Today I start anew. We all have to do that… keep picking ourselves up and starting over when we fall off the horse, or the wagon, or whatever else we might be riding. No one is perfect, yet life is perfect!
If we say we believe in a Creator, a Higher Power, then we must believe that life is perfect, even when it doesn’t turn out the way we want it to! (Ah, there’s the rub… We think God should always deliver us what we want, when God simply delivers what we need!)
So, today start again… on whatever is in your heart and soul to be or to do. I am a writer, an author of many books (some already written and published, some on shelves, some in production mode, and some still in my head!). I am also an artist; that new beginning will have to wait until Recovering Good Girl is in the hands of the perfect publisher… And for that I need to remember patience and faith. That’s the message that came in my God-writing this morning. What do you need to do to reconnect with your heart and soul? Start again today…
I almost forgot to write today; too much to do. Consistency is something I can create in a smooth sauce in the kitchen (I am–or was–a good cook), but consistency in doing something with regularity is not my strong suit. Yet, to learn anything new, we must consistently practice that new behavior.
While not my strong suit, I know I can be consistent for periods of time, if I’m motivated enough… Ah, another key to creating new behavior: motivation. Now that I can have a lot of–if I want something badly enough. And being a better, more self-actualized, healthier person is something I’ve been motivated to be for the last almost-thirty years.
I learned about “positive self-talk,” affirmations, mantras (whatever words you want to use), in my mid-thirties and they changed my life. They (with books, classes, tapes, and a wonderful spiritual teacher) began the path I’ve taken ever since.
When I’ve spoken to groups or worked with individuals, I’ve said thousands of times, “There’s only one person you can change in the world: You!” I believe that… and to this day, bettering myself is my highest goal.
To reach that objective, I need to push past my ADD-type behavior and remain focused and consistent… Not my strong suit, and I still work at those qualities because the end result is so worth the effort. What qualities do you need to enhance to reach your goals?
It’s Saturday, but for an author or anyone else who works for themselves, it’s simply another day of the week. I have writing to do (I’ve done my morning “God-writing” already), and I’m tired. A good girl conundrum… Work–something needing to be done vs. taking care of my needs.
I’m recovered enough to know that my nap must come first, the writing second. I will write better perhaps once I’ve re-energized. But whether that’s true or not, what’s most important is that I haven’t lost the bigger picture–that I need to take care of myself (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) before I can do anything for anyone else.
I’m not lost on my priorities. Hallelujah! That is a sign of solid recovery–knowing what I need and then making sure I do it! That’s where my issue shows up more often… I can know something, but I’m so good at pushing beyond my limits, living on fumes, that it’s second nature to keep moving when I need to stop and rest. And that lesson is up in my face these days, as I’ve had three – four steady weeks of on-the-go; some fun, some challenging. Either way, I didn’t give myself the rest I needed (and in all truth, given the events of this last month, it didn’t even seem possible, but I know I could have found a way).
So today is different… I’m taking care of myself by taking a little nap. Sweet dreams…
What do you do when you have little annoyances? Good girls swallow them, put on a smile and pretend nothing is the matter… Or they pout, whine, and act like a martyr. Neither of these are healthy reactions when something is bothering you. But, do you gripe about every little irritation? That may be nit-picking and not helpful in your relationships…
To me, there is a balance between speaking up about what isn’t working and breathing through it, focusing on what does work, and asking myself, “Is this really important? Does it affect the relationship or is it something I can overlook–really overlook, not just stuff it down by repressing my feelings?”
I once had a friend who seemed to get angry or annoyed at almost everything out of my mouth. She wanted to bring it up, discuss and process everything. She was a high-maintenance friend, exhausting to be around… and not fun! I, being the good girl, used to cower, worry, and walk on egg-shells attempting not to set her off, because I was afraid of her anger. I got her anger no matter what I did. Finally, I realized I couldn’t be me; that this wasn’t a healthy relationship and I ended it in as conscious of a way that I could, asking my spiritual teacher for help.
Now, as I find myself in sticky situations where I find myself annoyed, I seek the balance between all that is good in the person I’m responding to, and checking out inside whether the issue is a big enough one to bring up, or if I’m being petty.
What is most important is being true to me; making sure I don’t swallow my feelings of hurt, anger, or frustration, and at the same time feeling the love I’m capable of feeling in the moment, even when I’m feeling otherwise! An interesting place to be… I do my best to be in that love at all times, even when I’m feeling those little annoyances. How ’bout you?