Confidently Coping with Change Part 3
Commitment
In order for you to be happy with whatever change takes place, you’ve got to be committed to your personal growth. If you stay with your head stuck in the ground and pretend that all is well when it isn’t, the transition process will come back to haunt you later on. (The stress of it will build and can come out in illness or as unwanted emotions at awkward times, for example). If you resist it, the road will be so much more challenging to walk. You’ll be in emotional pain purely from your resistance.
If, on the other hand, you’re willing to turn inward, to look inside, and pledge to make some changes in how you respond to these changes, your life will be so much more enjoyable. But that’s the rub. You’ve got to make that promise to yourself; that you will make some internal changes. That’s the commitment. Can you do that? Yes, you can. But will you? Only you can answer that.
Responsibility
The way you respond is your responsibility. Everyone will react unconsciously at first. You may be angry, or sad, or scared. Those first emotions are your reactions. But what you do with that, how you respond, once you’ve gone through the emotions is up to you. You get to choose what you do with what you’ve just experienced.
Will you lash out? Or will you count to ten, take a deep breath and ask questions to clarify what you just heard? Will you shut down, run away from the issue, or pretend it didn’t even happen? Or will you allow the emotions to wash through you and then brainstorm possible solutions, or call to talk with someone who might have some ideas? You are responsible for how you behave.
Persistence
There is a saying that 80% of success is just showing up. This is where persistence comes in. For you to confidently cope with any change, you’ve got to show up. Keep taking one step after the next, even if you’re not sure where you’re headed. With commitment to your personal evolution, and taking responsibility for your actions, you’re bound to find your way to the end of the tunnel, and with more ease! When you’re feeling down and out, accept those emotions. Cry, rant and rave (not at someone), or jog them out. Never cover up what’s real for you emotionally. Do, however, work through them, and take the next step in whatever direction you’re moving. That’s persistence—simply taking the next step, and the next, and the next.
Patience
With persistence, comes patience—or at least it should be there, hand in hand. The chaos you’re living will settle down. You will get used to the new situation and find the silver linings. You will find joy again, probably in a different way. It takes patience, with a capital “P.” For most people, it can be about two years to completely relax into the new when there has been a big change. That doesn’t mean you won’t be happy or at peace before that amount of time. It just means that to fully integrate the new into your way of life it will most likely take longer than you think. Just show up with patience in your pocket and all will be well.
PS: If you’ve read these in order, and even if you haven’t, there is a lot more to confidently coping with change that encompasses the first workbook I ever wrote in 1996. It’s not available, but I am, as a coach. If you’re in need of support through some difficult times, please contact me at suzy@suzyallegra.com. Life can truly be amazing, if you’re willing to do the work.
Confidently Coping with Change, Part 1
