Easily Exchanging Ideas, Information, and Innovation, Part 1
The differences between people can get in the way of productive business operations or in personal relationships. These differences can be generational, cultural, gender-based, or race-related. In fact, the differences among us are there, even if we have the same attributes—two women (or two men) of the same age and background will not handle a similar situation in exactly the same way. This is because we have our own history that contributes to the way we interact.
So what can you do if everything you see, hear, and feel is going to be a possible confrontation or conflict? The answer is actually simple. But the practice of it can be a life-long study, depending on your starting point.
The first response to the question above is to listen, respect, and have understanding and compassion for those with whom you interact. Be focused, yet flexible and open-minded. When a possible conflict arises, deal with it directly, fairly, and quickly. These are some of the general criteria for successful communications. But to put each of these into practice is often challenging.
Actively and Reflectively Listen
Listening actively and reflectively sounds easy, yet few people actually do this well under strained conditions. “Sure,” “uh-huh,” are typical responses when a listener’s mind is not paying attention. These or similar responses are often said before the speaker’s thoughts are completed, or they are said to placate the speaker, hoping that s/he will then leave them alone.
When you actively listen, you are able to repeat back to the speaker exactly what you heard without parroting them. In other words, you rephrase their concepts in your language. When you do this, you will know for sure whether you understood their ideas or not. If you can’t do this, you were not listening actively. To be reflective, you then ask questions for clarification or to get more information from the speaker. You engage in a conversation that is give and take. You actively listen, reflect, and reply.
The reason most people aren’t able to hear others is that their mind is already doing something else—such as rehearsing an answer, making mental “to do” lists, or trying to read between the speaker’s lines (not believing the actual words and looking for other meanings). As a listener, it is your duty to stop these types of behavior in yourself whenever you notice them. As a speaker, you can help avoid these behaviors in listeners by stopping and asking for feedback and not making your presentation one long monologue.
Leave Out the Judgments
The next step is to learn how to leave out judgments that hamper creativity. Yes, there will come a time when critical assessments will take place, but in order to allow true innovation to occur, there needs to be a sense of trust that must occur between individuals and within organizations. This open-mindedness involves compassion. It means leaving out the personality of the speaker and listening solely to their ideas, thoughts, and information. When you let your feelings and opinions about a person interfere with your listening, you are closing the door on possibilities that could make positive differences in your business and personal life.
To achieve this, mentally close a door on who the speaker is and focus completely on what they are saying—the project, innovative idea, or information they are highlighting. This means paying attention to the objective (the point of discussion) and leaving out the subjective (your opinions of the person speaking). When you are able to do this repeatedly, you may be surprised to find that this person brings up significant ideas for discussion. However, it often takes great determination on your part to keep your biased thoughts closed off, so that others can “bloom where they are planted.”
If you look at each challenging person in your life as a chance to practice your skills—in compassion, understanding, patience, and open-mindedness—you will see them as less difficult. And they, in turn, will feel your compassion and because they are feeling safer, may let down their defenses as well.
Once you have allowed your mind to be open—to not judge other’s thoughts until times of evaluation—you will find more harmonious communication taking place.
Easily Exchanging Ideas, Information, and Innovation, Part 2
