Becoming Balanced, Part 1
Knowing Your Values and What You Want
We live in a world of whirling-dervish activity. Non-stop motion is the norm for most people in our country. Getting up early to make lunches; taking kids to school and after-school programs; arriving home to a chaotic house; rushing through dinner only to do more chores, errands, and help kids with homework. No wonder a lot of people want to zone out in front of the TV—it doesn’t ask for anything in return and never talks back!
But many people who live this kind of life admit that something is missing. All the doing-ness isn’t bringing happiness. All the material acquisitions (the having-ness) are not satisfying, so the answer, they believe, is to keep acquiring more. Yet, that still doesn’t soothe the aching soul.
In a world constantly demanding more, and where resources and time seem to be less available, how can you find the joy, love, and peace of mind that will fill you up?
The first step is to determine what is really important to you—not what your parents, religion, culture, or friends say is of value. Then begin to take concrete steps toward those goals.
Values
Stop for a minute and ask yourself: “What would I do with my life if I couldn’t fail?” Or instead, try: “What would I do right now if I had only one year left to live?” Or, “If I were listening to my own eulogy, what do I really want to be remembered for?”
Any one of these questions will allow you to begin to dig into your deepest desires and dreams. Like many people, you may have let them get buried living a life that you thought you should. If you have small children, some of these dreams may still need to be put on a back-burner, but they can still be actively pursued—just more slowly! There is no reason why each of us can’t aim for (and achieve) a life of joy.
Start now to make a list of dreams and desires that you have now (or have had for some time). Add to the list people, places, and things that are important to you. Then take that list and look at your credit card statement or checkbook, and your PDA or date book. Are you spending time and money on what you profess is important? That’s your first clue and your first step toward coming into alignment with your values and balancing your life in a way that makes you happy.
Once You Know What You Want
After you have rediscovered a dream, you then must begin a plan of action. If you feel it’s not very doable, then give yourself a timeline of ten to twenty years. Working backwards in two to five year chunks, ask yourself, “Where do I need to be now in order for my dream to come true on time?” For example, imagine you want to live in a rural setting with animals in fifteen years and now you are renting a small apartment in a city. Ask yourself, where do I need to be in ten years? In other words, with this dream, you need to know how much money you need to have saved. Then you figure out how can you do that. Giving up lattes at Starbucks, not buying new clothes each time there is a sale, moving in with parents, getting a raise or working two jobs. These are all possibilities.
Once you complete the backward timeline, you’ll know what to do for your first step in achieving this dream. If all you do is a baby step each week, then you’re moving in a direction that brings you joy. With those people and things that are important, operate in the same manner. If you want to spend more time with your children, then assess how much time you’d ideally like to spend with them. Work backwards, so that you’re increasing your time with them incrementally so that you don’t feel that you’re all of a sudden dropping another important aspect of life.
This is a balancing act, for sure. However, if you aren’t spending time and money in the areas that are most important to you, then the balance will never be right. Move in the direction of your dreams. Spend time and resources with the people and on things that matter. You’ll be much happier when you do!
