Quick Tips for Stress-less "Back to School" in a New Area:
When you are moving to a new area, there are certain things you can do to help you and your family adjust to your new life with as little stress as possible:• Familiarity:
If possible, visit the neighborhood, new school, etc. as much in advance of the first day of school as possible. Walk around the neighborhood of your new home. Show your children where the bakery, laundry, grocery stores are. Whether you’ll be driving or your children will be walking to school, do this with them before hand to help familiarize them with the route. Walk around the new school site and if possible, introduce them to the administrator, the office workers and their new teacher.
Some families I know even make a trip to the new area with their children when they know of the assignment and visit all potential schools. They then let their children help choose. Even if this is not possible, the main point here is to give everyone—your children, spouse and yourself—as much familiarity with the new place as you can because this will give each and everyone of you a sense of comfort. This comfort level is essential to feeling secure and less stressed in a new situation.
• Routine:
Establish a routine as soon as you can. This means setting up schedules of wake-up and go-to-sleep times, when homework, housework, family talks, dinners, etc. will take place. These do not need to be written in stone, but the sooner you begin a routine, the easier it will be on everyone. Once life has settled down, alter the schedule to meet your changing needs. Routines give solid foundation of security for everyone. This brings about relief from a new situation being stressful.
• Planning:
The more planning ahead you can do in any area, the less stress you will feel. Plan the week’s menus. Decide which days you’ll go to the markets and which days you can explore or “play.” Let your children plan the night before what they are going to wear to school to avoid the last minute stress of getting dressed in the mornings. Plan ahead for outings on the weekends, especially when the weather is lovely. Going “out to the country” for the weekend is often what big city dwellers do worldwide, and if you wait until the last minute, you may find yourself without a place to stay.
Plan ahead in certain areas of your life, while at the same time allowing for spontaneity to arise in the moment. (For example, plan where you’ll spend your Saturday night in the country, but you don’t have to decide the route you’ll take, the exact places you’ll visit until you’re there).
• Support:
For your children: Make sure your children can talk to you about their feelings (if they’re old enough, of course). Let them know that all kinds of emotions are normal during times of transitions. Help them realize they are not alone in their feelings and that, with time, their emotions will change and that life always has its “ups and downs.” Also, give them as much support as you can with their schoolwork and other concerns about friends from other cultures.
For your partner: Really listen. It may seem that s/he has it easy. S/he already has a routine established during the day; knows their position; doesn’t have to deal with the day-to-day problems of life in a new life. Yet, they do have many of the same issues that you may have—understanding protocol and cultural habits of their new co-workers, feeling lost in a different kind of workspace or using new equipment or technologies. When you can empathize with your spouse, you will find that this move can help bring you closer together. But you must really learn to listen to them first.
For yourself: Last, but not at all least, you must find ways to support yourself and find others who can support you. Do the things that nurture you (see below under “Fun”). Find groups of people who are newcomers too. (Your children’s school is one of the best places to find new people). When support is there, the stress is lessened.
• Fun:
Make sure weekends and at least some evenings or afternoons are filled with activities that please you and your family. Have family meetings to discuss outings and take turns choosing where, when or how. Give everyone time to also make and enjoy new friends, as well as giving them time alone to relax.
Lastly, make sure to give yourself the time you need to go places, see certain sights, shop or play in whatever way brings you joy. There are almost always educational organizations that offer classes to suit all kinds of needs.
If you are one who tends to isolate yourself, the best advice is to get involved with any of these organizations or your child’s school. If you are one who tends to overextend yourself, then make sure you give yourself time to do nothing but lounge and read! Make the ordinary fun too. Play a game with family members (or even with yourself) about how fast you can learn the names of the streets or shop owners, fastest route to the closest theatre etc.
One of the best stress releasers is having fun and laughing. Remember to add this to your “to do” list.
• Choice:
Routine and planning are important for creating a less-stressed life in a new area. Yet, providing each family member with as much choice over what they can control will help each of them feel most secure. Let children choose friends, types of activities they want to be involved in, ways to spend their free time, etc. Give family members choices in meals planned, videos rented, and how or when they will do the work they are required to do (housework, homework, etc.) By letting everyone have as much freedom of choice as possible, you will give them a sense of control which helps in creating a less stressed environment.
If you take the actions described above, you will feel more at ease, more comfortable and more able to face the uncertainties of “Back to School” time in a new part of the world.
